My husband's family are the most intelligent people on earth. They know everything about everything, so, therefore, are never wrong... about anything. They know what is best for my children, and no one, especially "the likes of me" can tell them differently. (Please read with tongue planted firmly in cheek.)
As soon as you announce to the world that you are going to homeschool, you are opening yourself up for criticism. How do you deal with it? How do you explain that homeschooling will work, and it is what is best for your family?
This may come as a shock to you, and might just be controversial enough to ban me from homeschooling message boards all over the Internet, but I am here to say, once and for all... you don't have to argue with anyone! You don't have to answer to anyone (except maybe your local school district, depending on your state laws.)
Ok... so you don't have to argue, or explain. But in the real world, your mother in law is still going to bombard you with (at the least) questions and (worst case scenario) criticism. At the grocery store, you will get looks, and comments like "Schools out today?" You will soon find that criticism comes from different directions, in different forms, that require different responses from you. (Although, in any case, the best way to handle criticism is to listen politely and avoid defensive reactions.)
What should you do about critical or skeptical family members? It is important to keep in mind that most family members are critical or skeptical simply out of a loving concern for your child. Take the time to educate your family about homeschooling. Give them the statistics. Tell them what a day is like. Ask them to come and observe you for a day. All of these things will go a long way toward reassuring family about your homeschooling decision. But remember... don't argue or make excuses. Your lack of confidence in your decision is just the fuel their misguided fire needs.
What should you do about critical or skeptical strangers? An important thing to keep in mind when dealing with strangers is that the "Schools out today?" comment is probably not meant to criticize or put you on the defensive. Most likely, it is just an honest attempt at conversation, in an otherwise awkward situation. (Standing in the grocery line can seem like an eternity when staring at the back of someone's head.) Focus on the issues and don't acknowledge sarcasm. Don't overreact. Toss a few statistics their way, and it is usually enough. You will probably not change their minds, so trying only sets you up for failure.
Homeschoolers no longer need be afraid of getting into trouble for teaching their kids at home. We can be proud of our decision to homeschool and secure in that decision.
If all else fails, wait until your then 11 year old corrects the then graduating high school senior on a science related topic, at the then graduating high school senior's graduation party. No one will question you again!
2 comments:
Boy, have I had some strong reactions from people in restaurants and other public places when my kids and I have been out during public school hours. Some were positive, but the strongest reactions were from people who didn't approve (like I really need their approval). My mother was the strongest opponent--until she became ill with cancer, and I was able to pack up our materials and head south six or so hours to help with her care. If the kids had been in ps, we wouldn't have been able to do that. It also gave her (and the rest of my family) an opportunity to see what it's all about, and drove home that my kids aren't illiterate, non-social goobers.
You are right about being defensive--once I realized I don't truly care what others think about how I choose to educate our kids, my defensiveness about it melted away.
Sometimes that 'school's out?' comment isn't critical at all. Folks are just wondering why a school aged kid is around. We sometimes reply that 'no, she is homeschooled' and have had some really positive responses. Or just wondering responses. I think you are absolutely right to suggest that we need to start by assuming the best of our inquisitors.
For relatives and friends, sometimes they can be asked to contribute, especially if they have a special interest that your child shares. My daughter loves birdwatching as do my parents. So she sometimes goes to stay with them and they go for walks to look at birds and wildflowers. They even took her to the ballet. They weren't particularly opposed but it might be a good way to get someone who is skeptical to see what it involves.
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